It's as "Personal" as it Gets!

Apart from the countless post about “self-care” and setting “boundaries” where's the honest advice for stepmoms? I tell ya what I did find…A lot of passive aggression! Before jumping down my throat about my lack of sensitivity, remember this: I’ve unlocked the key to happiness and it’s not pushing emotions and issues under the sheets. I have continued to walk the walk when handling my family dynamics and baby mama drama.

In a recent post by @BloomingStepmom, “It’s not personal. None of its personal. So don’t take it personally” followed by some BS about when the stepkids don’t like you and bio mom has a problem, blah blah blah.

@Bloomingstepmom Instagram page- It's not personal!

If only reality met that perception of simplicity.

Not being “liked” is the least of my worries as a stepmom. I’m married for a second time, do you honestly deem that my top priority should be the non-biological kids? If so, you’re either lying to yourself or failing to see the importance of family structure. Yet, this is the trash being served online for struggling stepmoms. If you want to learn how to hide your feelings, suffer in silence and build resentment for your spouse and children, then please by all means keep listening to modern-day passive soldiers! For me, tackling these issues head-on is the plan, learning coping skills to self-regulate my actions and placing myself at the head of the adult table.

It was only a short couple of years ago when bio mom personally named me in a filed family court petition. (Thank God my experience being a family law Paralegal paid off) She didn’t have an issue with dad, or the children’s home, or their behaviors. Nope, it was the Stepmom show. I was accused of being verbally and emotionally abusive to both kids, my older son was mentioned as “playing too rough with my then 7-year-old stepdaughter, my daughter was accused of physically abusing the youngest and so on…bio mom named my whole family in just 5 paragraphs has not safe abusive people. Oh, but I guess I shouldn’t have taken that so personally. Right?

It was at that moment I knew, as a mother I had to protect my children. After a long conversation with the hubs, it was determined that his kids won’t come over until all the court stuff was settled. He was supportive and agreed with my argument that if his ex was pulling innocent children into her mental battles, it was time to take a strong stance and listen, let's say the allegations were true? As a mother, would you drop off your kids to be abused? I’d like to think not however, bio mom also started claiming the dad didn’t want to see the children and that he didn’t want custody of them- you can’t make this stuff up. So the dual issues here; 1. Children are being abused by stepmom, 2. Bio mom is upset dad isn’t taking the kids for his visitation. This is the reality of the shit stepmoms deals more times than not. It was never about protecting the children, the end game is and always has been removing me from their lives.

“It's as personal as it gets-woman to woman”

-Summer Johnson

From August 2019 until December 2019 my life was preparing court documents, having deep discussions with my spouse, and recovering from the trauma inflicted by the family court. When someone else's mental capacity shortcomings affect you, it is personal. When I feel like a prisoner in my own home, that’s personal and when pure love and acceptance from children turns into anger and hatred towards you, that's personal. Kids will dislike their parents a million times before settling on a common opinion of them once they’ve become adults. As a parent, I don’t need my children to like me. Hell, I don’t care if they never like me! But what I strive for is inherently longer lasting; respect, love, honor, gratitude, and understanding. The honest truth is another mother stripped away the children’s right to love and accepted another mother, to gain from my knowledge and skills, to add warmth and diversity into their worlds, and to have them learn what a healthy marriage looks like between their father and myself.

It’s the personal attacks from outsiders that limit my ability to love freely. So, naturally, I’ve had to harden the walls over the years. I must protect my marriage, my children, and my home. Those are my priorities, in order. So when people ask me why I can't act a certain way towards my stepchildren, or why I remove myself from toxic situations so quickly, this is why. Years of battling someone who uses dirty tactics such as kids, to diminish my motherly duties, for no other reason than… I exist.

Stomped Stepmom's most common response! WTF