We're the "Johnsons" not the "Jones"

While attempting to hide behind the fake smile of joy in front of my 9-year-old stepdaughter, the rage seemed to boil to the point that I had to remove myself from the living room. Not much enrages me to that point, but witnessing the downfall of a child is one of them. My stepdaughter has had a cheap cell phone for years already, a Google phone good for Roblox, and calls to her parents. She has zero restrictions at her mother’s house, so when she spends time with her dad and he applies rules like 3 hours of screen time per day, or only calling mom once; can be a struggle. My hubs and I make good money, we’re both college educated, own our home, 2 cars, you know, the “perfect” picture. We also take our spending and saving very seriously and apply these practices to our children.

Basic financial knowledge and practices are and should be a part of every child's development. In my opinion, I see more and more younger teens without a clue about banking, loans, credit vs debt, saving, taxes, etc. It’s scary, and to add to that, take a mother who suffers from a shopping addiction with little to no knowledge of budgeting. My stepkids have been using their mother’s faults to get anything they ask for. The straw for me was when this past week my daughter (15) started asking me for a new phone, to which I responded, ‘OK, but only because yours is broken’ She decided at that moment it would be awesome to discuss why her 9-year-old step sister got a brand-new iPhone, apple watch and iPad all within 10 days. Oh, brother. The simple and brutal truth, “I rather keep the lights on than make sure you have the latest phone” Literality, bio mom has had her power shut off several times and continues to suffer financial hardships to keep up with the Jones. At 15, I feel comfortable telling her these truths. When you’re an adult, you have tough decisions and hopefully, you’re mentally strong enough to make the right choice- if not, I pray that you learn from that mistake and do better the next time.

"I rather keep the lights on than make sure you have the latest phone”

However, my deepest fear for my stepkids is that, they will never learn, they will never make the right choices because of the nature of their upbringing. While with us, we walk the walk, the rules we apply, the money we spend, the savings we practice with the kids, but when the 9-year-old is texting an Amazon link to her mother at 10 am on a Sunday morning for a $150 baby doll and telling mom, “hurry there are only 3 left”- at that point I feel the consumerism is already deeply embedded. And before you say, there’s nothing wrong with asking. This little girl already owns 3 of these baby dolls.

I consider myself a reasonable person, I enjoy buying new clothes, $8 coffees, make-up, and new sneakers for the kids, but I also allow a natural progression of worth to grow within my kids. I’m sorry but I find it deeply troubling that some 7-year-olds are wearing $100 Nikes, or a 9-year-old is using a $45 Stanley mug for school. Some of these things should be considered adult perks! Rewards for our hard work- why I earth would I want to use the same item a 5th grader is using to gain clout? I wouldn’t. Is there nothing left just for “adults’? Keeping up with the latest and greatest will have you working two jobs and going into debt, just to portray a life that isn’t yours! I honestly believe our children are better served to earn these extra perks. If my daughter's phone wasn’t broken, she wouldn’t be getting a new one, period. But thanks to bio-mom, I get to hand out life lessons on a weekly basis because watching a 9-year-old break 2 brand new iPads within 3 weeks and then getting a 3rd is enough to make any person, parent, or child scream, “WTF”.

Is there nothing left just for “adults’?

Having the kiddos show up every other weekend with new sneakers, new phones, toys, hats, and games is a hard reality lesson for my daughter. Teaching her not to allow the green eye monster out and to remember for every new and shiny item, there’s a bill left unpaid therefore, placing stress and anxiety onto that family, and so, it's not the phone she would be jealous of, but the emotional beatdown from obtaining that item- and once I explain this, she usually understands and then places empathy for her siblings, in front of her own worldly desires.